I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
