fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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