Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
