barbara walters just said penis...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize