I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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