I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
