besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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