I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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