I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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