too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she smelled like a LAN party
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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