Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
