you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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