I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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