I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
