Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
