Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Randomize