I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
