You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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