i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
