Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
