Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
