Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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