I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
