i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
