I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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