ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
