I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize