Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
