i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
