I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
