i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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