just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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