i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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