I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
