Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
