hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
