White coat. Heels.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
