Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
