i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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