Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
