This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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