I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
