Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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