So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize