my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
