sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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