I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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