All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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