Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
