just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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