tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
