dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
