Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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