I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
