I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
