I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
