I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
