Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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