SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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