i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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