Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
