She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Still dying that you shit outside
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
