i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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