Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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