can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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