so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
