I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
