I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
