your parents love me but you hate me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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