You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
