Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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