Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
