dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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