when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
