i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
