I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
