You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
